Officials admitted today that President Trump, during a late-night Twitter spree, mistakenly identified Iran's Kharg Island as 'totally obliterated.' In reality, satellite imagery shows the island bustling with activity, including a newly opened artisanal ice cream parlor and a vibrant community garden.

Sources inside the White House, speaking on condition of anonymity, suggested the President may have been confusing Kharg Island with an unfortunate incident involving a golf cart and a sand trap at Mar-a-Lago last Tuesday. 'He kept muttering something about 'Iranian aggression' and 'unspeakable divots,' one aide whispered. 'It was… confusing.'

Following this initial gaffe, Trump reportedly doubled down, praising Kharg Island's 'strategic location' and 'underutilized potential.' He then unveiled a plan to partner with Iran to 'boost oil production and make Kharg Island the envy of the Gulf.' The proposal, dubbed 'Operation Persian Paradise,' includes a Trump-branded resort, a casino, and a state-of-the-art desalination plant.

Trump concluded his address with a surprisingly conciliatory tone. 'Frankly, those Iranians, they're terrific people. They love golf. They love ice cream. What's not to like? We're going to make Kharg Island GREAT AGAIN!'

**What They Don't Want You To Know:** Intelligence reports suggest that Kharg Island's infrastructure is indeed somewhat outdated, but mostly due to a lack of investment and not, as previously claimed, a series of targeted attacks. The 'artisanal ice cream parlor' is actually a repurposed shipping container selling popsicles.

As one bewildered Iranian diplomat put it, 'First they threaten us with annihilation, now they want to build a casino? I need a very, very strong cup of chai.'