Former Vogue editor Alexandra Shulman has confessed to sleeping soundly every night, a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the nation's chronically sleep-deprived. 'Sources close to Shulman' have confirmed that her 'incredibly simple retro hack' involves… wait for it… going to bed at a reasonable hour.

Officials at the Department of Overscheduled Lives are reportedly 'furious' at Shulman's admission, claiming it 'undermines the entire industry built around sleep aids, mindfulness apps, and artisanal lavender pillow sprays.' One insider, speaking on condition of anonymity, revealed that Shulman's routine also includes the 'radical' acts of 'reading a book' and 'avoiding screens before bed.'

The backlash has been swift and brutal. Social media is ablaze with accusations of 'tone deafness' and 'privilege,' with users pointing out that Shulman's 'effortless' sleep is likely facilitated by her 'mansions, staff, and complete lack of financial worries.' One commenter tweeted: 'Easy for her to sleep when she doesn't have to worry about rising energy prices or the impending collapse of society!'

'What They Don't Want You To Know': Studies have shown that addressing underlying stress and establishing a consistent sleep schedule are often more effective than any amount of expensive sleep gadgets or trendy sleep retreats. However, the wellness industry thrives on creating problems and selling solutions, so don't expect to see 'Get More Sleep' trending anytime soon.

In a stunning turn of events, Shulman has issued a statement, clarifying that she occasionally wakes up in the middle of the night 'to contemplate the ephemeral nature of existence.' However, she quickly added, 'Then I just go back to sleep. It's really not that difficult.' The nation awaits the inevitable exposé: 'Alexandra Shulman: The Sleep Tyrant?'