Sources close to the Peltz-Beckham household have confirmed that Nicola Peltz, the actress and heiress, has been engaging in a diet that can only be described as 'alarmingly adult.' While other celebrities subsist on air and the tears of personal trainers, Peltz has reportedly been consuming vast quantities of vegetables, whole grains, and… wait for it… responsibly sourced protein.

'It's an absolute outrage,' exclaimed one bewildered nutritionist, speaking on condition of anonymity. 'How can anyone, let alone a delicate flower like Ms. Peltz, possibly stomach such a balanced and wholesome menu? Where are the kale smoothies? The activated almonds? The complete and utter denial of joy?'

Officials at the Department of Health have admitted they are 'deeply concerned' by the trend, fearing it could lead to a generation of children demanding five portions of fruit and vegetables a day. 'We've spent years cultivating a culture of beige,' one senior civil servant confessed. 'Now this bombshell. It could undo all our hard work!'

Even more disturbingly, insiders reveal Peltz has been experimenting with… *gasp*… cooking her own meals. 'She was seen in a kitchen, preparing something that looked suspiciously like a lentil stew,' whispered one horrified eyewitness. 'The horror! The absolute, unmitigated horror!'

**What They Don't Want You To Know:** Nicola Peltz does, in fact, support local farmers' markets and promotes sustainable eating habits, a refreshing change from the usual celebrity-endorsed sugary beverages.

In related news, sales of ready meals have plummeted to an all-time low, as the nation grapples with the terrifying prospect of actually nourishing their bodies. As one disgruntled father put it, 'Thanks a lot, Nicola Peltz. Now my kids want to eat things that are *good* for them. What kind of monster does that?'