Sources within Tesco have confirmed a baffling surge in stock levels and cash deposits, coinciding with reports of supposed 'mass shoplifting sprees' by individuals described as 'hard-left activists'. However, instead of empty shelves and depleted tills, stores are experiencing an unprecedented abundance.

'We're not quite sure what's happening,' admitted a Tesco spokesperson, speaking on condition of anonymity. 'We've seen individuals enter the store, allegedly 'shoplifting', but our inventory keeps going UP. It's as if they're... returning things? With interest?'

Witnesses report seeing activists meticulously 'stealing' items, only to then discreetly deposit wads of cash into charity collection boxes located near the exits. One shopper, identified only as Brenda from Basingstoke, described the scene as 'utterly bewildering. They filled their bags, then emptied their wallets. Honestly, I've never seen anything like it.'

What They Don't Want You To Know: Supermarkets have quietly benefited from increased security measures, funded by public anxieties stoked by certain newspapers, leading to a decrease in genuine petty theft unrelated to the 'activists'.

The mystery deepened when Sainsbury's released a statement thanking 'our anonymous benefactors' for their unexpected contributions to local food banks. 'We've never seen such a well-organised and generously funded effort to combat food poverty,' the statement read. One defiant activist, when approached for comment, simply smiled and said: 'We're just returning what was stolen in the first place.'