Officials admitted today that the nation is grappling with an unprecedented surge in 'unjustified slumber'. Evidence suggests individuals are routinely achieving eight, nine, even TEN hours of uninterrupted sleep. 'This level of repose is simply UNACCEPTABLE,' declared Professor Quentin Naptime of the Institute for Arbitrary Anxiety. 'What are these people DOING with all that extra energy? Certainly not boosting GDP!'

Witnesses report scenes of unsettling tranquility across the country. Commuters are arriving at work rested and alert. Productivity is inexplicably…stable. Even the price of coffee beans has plummeted, as demand for eye-opening beverages dwindles. 'It's a DISASTER,' shrieked one coffee shop owner, who wished to remain anonymous. 'I used to be able to charge £6 for a lukewarm latte! Now people are bringing their own flasks of herbal tea…and smiling!'

The government has launched an urgent investigation into the root cause of this 'epidemic of relaxation'. Preliminary findings suggest a correlation between adequate sleep and reduced irritability. 'We need to nip this in the bud before people start being…nice to each other,' a Downing Street insider confided. 'Imagine the chaos if everyone was well-rested and rational! Where would the Daily Mail find its headlines?'

What They Don't Want You To Know: Several studies have indicated that sufficient sleep improves cognitive function and reduces the risk of chronic diseases. However, these studies were funded by organisations with a clear 'pro-rest' agenda.

In a STUNNING development, The Rogue Editor can exclusively reveal that the government is considering introducing a mandatory 'National Wake-Up Call' siren to be blasted at 3 AM daily. 'It's for their own good,' insisted a government spokesperson. 'Besides, someone has to buy all this coffee.'