Sources close to the Kensington Palace recycling bin have confirmed that the Duchess of Sussex's 'Force For Freedom' gala was, in fact, a dismal failure. Instead of celebrating the eradication of modern slavery, attendees were allegedly subjected to an evening of unbearable moral rectitude.

'It was simply dreadful,' whispered Lady Chumley-Smythe, adjusting her sustainably sourced, ethically questionable diamonds. 'Every canapé was fair trade! The horror! One expects a certain level of exploitation at these things, darling. Where's the fun if you know no one suffered to bring you your vol-au-vent?'

Even Prince Harry, a man known for his unflinching commitment to… well, something, was allegedly overheard complaining that his organic, locally-brewed beer 'lacked that certain…je ne sais quoi of oppression.' Insiders report a heated debate erupted when a guest inquired about the provenance of the tablecloths, only to discover they were woven by a cooperative of formerly enslaved artisans, now earning a living wage. The sheer audacity!

The evening reached its nadir when Meghan herself gave a speech detailing the organization's commitment to transparency and accountability. Several attendees reportedly fainted, overwhelmed by the sheer lack of scandal. 'Honestly,' sighed one anonymous source, 'I came expecting a celebrity auction for some ghastly trinket, perhaps a private polo lesson with a prince. Instead, I got… social justice. It's simply not cricket!'

**What They Don't Want You To Know:** The gala actually did raise a significant amount of money for anti-slavery initiatives, and attendees included survivors of human trafficking. The horror!

Closing kicker: As one disgruntled guest was heard to mutter while leaving, 'Next year, I'm just staying home and ordering fast fashion. At least then I'll know someone suffered for my choices!'